Finally spiraling upwards until we can stand on that cinematic cloud that nobody else is allowed on.
75. Flushed Away directed by David Bowers & Sam Fell
Produces little of the Britwit we’ve come to expect from Aardman by delighting itself with a slew of slapstick gags, but when they subside, a new spin on the City/Country Mouse takes life by way of its lively cast tackling the sewage sodden script.
74. Hard Candy directed by David Slade (2005)
Bogged down by self-righteousness and a ridiculously perfect ending, Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson wield an intense chemistry even as this psychotic slaying of impure impulse turns to droning sadism in the form of woman warrior rants.
73. Letters from Iwo Jima directed by Clint Eastwood
While it relaxes on the outpour of humanity its companion piece suffered from, the material proves more deftly staged as Ken Wantanbe takes the forefront and leads with compassionate oomph, but it begins courting with grandeur and warmth only to reel in neither.
72. Little Children directed by Todd Field
Alien abduction suburbia complete with filthy situations and closet oddballs. Though truth is demanded from the actors, it’s eclectic neighborhood with hollow boxes for houses approach feels more like sham outlandishness.
71. The Pursuit of Happyness directed by Gabriele Muccino
Albeit the good intentions, the constant puncturing of our admirable leading man’s dreams make for clear pity-draining. Smith’s genuine connection with his son establishes a gesture of true emotion even when stormed by Lifetime charades.
70. V for Vendetta directed by James McTeigue
O for Overblown. Only an inept director could make this All-Star ensemble useless by devouring spoonfuls of false philosophy, but by knowing that McTeigue has been banking on a Kubrickian classical-music-to-carnage episode and allowed Hugo Weaving to eat up the lens with dashes of artistic zip, Orwell would gag a little less.
69. Superman Returns directed by Bryan Singer
Brandon Routh’s spotless channeling of Reeves is a returning ingredient worth consuming while Spacey and Posey make for a villainous pair even when the love story takes a dive beneath long stretches of lifeless computer generated action that never fashion a sense of nostalgia between its stargazing.
68. For Your Consideration directed by Christopher Guest
Majorly reduced to patterned cracks at Hollywood and an uncharacteristically flat depth to its characters, Guest and company don’t wield their contemptuous charm enough to fuel their normal snowballing of gags and irony-laden kicks to provide for long bouts of laughter, just a slight nod every now and then.
67. The Queen directed by Stephen Frears
Universal interest of the situation is shown to be anything but tacky family drama but sometimes pauses with a royal yawn making Frears’ masterly segueing of the events and hairsplitting uncanniness of Mirren slaves to the absence of insight.
66. World Trade Center directed by Oliver Stone
Handicapped by an acute lack of radicalism associated with the first name in the credits, it turns over an earnest heroism that allows for plenty of tears to make up for the air of inevitable nonchalance to come in the post-viewing ride home in this warming but stockpile Ron Howard tragedy.
65. Hollywoodland directed by Allen Coulter
Sleazy detective yarn whose too-neatly trimmed goings on are shackled whenever Affleck’s measured Man of Steel commands attention and turns all to glitter as he slowly spirals down to dust in his unsettling, clouded demise.
64. Night at the Museum directed by Shawn Levy
Delightful sweeps of energetic CG romps make the family feel-good doses bearable with Stiller allowing his shtick to work for, instead of in front of, the festivities around him, including a sprinkling of cheerfully immature cameos.
63. The Da Vinci Code directed by Ron Howard
Rightly criticized but enjoyable all the same. Though the highly mismatched cast deflates the suspense, the constant allure of the enigma at hand in combination with supreme technical efforts make it an absorbing twist, even if it can be seen as a stern cousin to “National Treasure”.
62. Man cheng jin dai huang jin jia directed by Yimou Zhang
Chimera-lit Chinese soap opera that can’t get past its own wailing hysterics to allow the story to make an impact. In suit with the overwrought accent, Gong Li pitches a bewitchingly one-note performance that tears everything down in glorious excess.
61. Half Nelson directed by Ryan Fleck
Skeletal framework of an examination on the effect of urban decay that glimmers with a front of hope every now and then. Despite the tiresome direction, Gosling brings on an easygoing articulation to his weary bones and shows up the film without thesping.
60. Unknown White Male directed by Rupert Murray (2005)
Veracity and imagination may get boggled in the proceedings, but Murray crafts an unusually sympathetic mood for his friend, addled by amnesia. Though it devolves into nonsensical abstract disarray by the final minutes, it consistently bends the mind.
59. Jackass: Number Two directed by Jeff Tremaine
Darwin allows his survival concept to inspire more than scientific and philosophic theorization, but the self-committed shrivel of the gene pool by being the “Citizen Kane” of gross out flicks meant purely for a stomach churning chuckle.
58. Saw III directed by Darren Lynn Bousman
Games are made more gruesome as Jigsaw pieces together more puzzles for the unsuspecting crowd of ungratefuls, but this time heightens the preaching while dumping enough to blood to make Carrie’s prom mishap look like an overdue menstrual swing.
57. Ask the Dust directed by Robert Towne
Misery loves company as a slow wind unravels itself to reveal an impassioned, if not overly long, flame sparked and cooled equally by a ravishing couple in Farrell and Hayek. While the tease of matinee amour often becomes exhausting, the aura of old school Hollywood sizzles.
56. Cars directed by John Lasseter
Pixar’s least resonant feature to date, but not without character. Though a formidable cast is assembled to tackle the “Doc Hollywood Goes Nascar”/Reserve Our Town crisis, neither can compete with animation so vigorous you can smell the burn of the tires and feel the sun setting on the tan of your forearm.
55. Factory Girl directed by Gregory Hoblit
Like a hipster’s cautionary tale penned with robots spouting off Ginsberg’s blustering bohemian rhapsody. But, amongst the pop art trash feel lay two performances etched in gold. Pearce’s Warhol is painted in funk, but Sienna Miller’s cherry picked title performance is that which has me groping for words to make vivid her grandeur.
54. Copying Beethoven directed by Agnieskza Holland
While it can’t tame its vigor when faced with quieter moments, Holland’s 15 minute long crowned jewel of the performance of a ghost composed Ninth Symphony gives us a glimpse of the awe upon the ears to those that first heard it, but shadows everything thereafter.
53. Thank You for Smoking directed by Jason Reitman
Shallow satirization inhaled by an Aaron Eckhart performance so smooth in its glib spin doctor poise it’ll have you taking up the habit by midway through. By the end, it unfortunately quits huffing and puffing and runs out of things to sell.
52. Romance & Cigarettes directed by John Turturro (2005)
Failed but fun slapdash musical fiasco that leaves its numbers as more of an afterthought to the smutty pleasures of dirty talk which level into endearing ruminations on faithfulness of every kind as the mellow last act settles. Daydreaming at its naughtiest.
51. The Prestige directed by Christopher Nolan
Handsome hint of something spectacular that relishes in a disappointing, albeit chilling, twist that doesn’t allow room for imagination. Bale gradually becomes more menacing with every envious snarl, but Jackman can’t make that charismatic drive a duet. Working with a tattered hat, Nolan waves his fingertips for diverting superficial tricks, but never delivers true wonderment.
50. Notes on a Scandal directed by Richard Eyre
Caustic war of the hellcats as Blanchett and Dench continually sink their claws into the merciless clutch for one-upmanship, and the result is a firework display of disquietude and moral uncertainty. That around it never soars higher than acid-tongued eloquence.
49. United 93 directed by Paul Greengrass
Dawdling docudrama that gets set back by an assault of fact-heavy exchanging before leading up to a third act whose sweat glistens under the palpability of the moment. When it comes up for that last breath, the effect is inspiring. Greengrass’ commitment to the truth often bogs down his storytelling.
48. Clerks II directed by Kevin Smith
Not as keen as the original, but a rare blend of sentimentality and vulgarity as a comment, not disapproval, on the much covered 30-something nowhere lifestyle that makes you appreciate interspecies erotica almost as much as the insider fanboy jests.
47. The Lake House directed by Alejandro Agresti
Obvious flaws in its metaphysical angle don’t hamper the mood, one that bathes entirely in and for the isolated reason of being romantic in all sorts of longing, slow maple dripping ways that speak to you from the dark with sonnets made of slush.
46. Over the Hedge directed by Tim Johnson & Karey Kirkpatrick
Hugely bustling pro-conservation animation that doesn’t need to grind its ax to make sparks. Peppered with a troupe of equally vibrant performers, the writing ambles freely in a hazes of broad whoopee laughs and a well-earned warmth.
45. Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride: Hunter S. Thompson directed by Tom Thurman
Nick Nolte’s gravely narration drips with an ethereal cool as numerous amounts of celebrities recite their favorite bits of gonzo language and detail most private memories in this two-thumbed fist of tribute that lingers in a melancholy residue.
44. Factotum directed by Bent Hamer (2005)
Bukowski would’ve been proud of the way Matt Dillon sung his burly caveman blues as he tosses back drinks in a grimly comedic, but unfulfilling, view of the depths of an artist’s existential, starry machine.
43. Kinky Boots directed by Julian Jarrold (2005)
Small town Brits making a comeback through their provincial wisdom and unsophisticated charm. It’s a commonplace story interrupted by genuine appeal and a Chiwetel Ejifor sashaying drag queen so mighty that he could domesticate Dr. Frank-n-Furter.
42. Little Miss Sunshine directed by Jonathan Dayton & Valerie Faris
Honeyed in a self-consciously indie veneer and ends up like the Griswalds go arthouse. Despite, it remains a fully affectionate broken family piece that acquires its sweet taste from a bevy of boisterous performances.
41. Slither directed by James Gunn
B-movie throwback that plays its flesh-splattering with a wink and wisecracking heroes that make sure to include the audience in on the jokes. Inventive carnage that succeeds in testing your gag reflex while your tongue is planted firmly in your cheek.
40. The Hills Have Eyes directed by Alexandre Aja
By ditching Craven’s man-made-monster method, Aja is freed from all responsibility to humanize. After developing relationships between the troubled “intruders”, he allows the body count to pile up and never allows an instant of ease as it clicks to vengeance of the most non-romanticized kind.
39. The Notorious Bettie Page directed by Mary Harron (2005)
Sex and high society exhibit for one, Gretchen Mol, that brings such a sincere and shameless confidence to the role you’d just as much hug her as you would lay her down in your linen. It all skims along on her lovely black and white colored hissing.
38. Arthur et les Minimoys directed by Luc Besson
Blissful ode to backyard childhood fantasy, with a warming (but yes, very forged) backdrop resting beneath its visually rich voyage. While it owes considerable debt to other legends, its willingness to get stuck in enchantment is grand.
37. This Film Is Not Yet Rated directed by Kirby Dick
Cheeky activism near ruthless in its ambitions that does as much to entertain as it does to intellectually stimulate and makes itself more than a foul harangue on the MPAA by taking excruciating measures to examine each fault in and out with guerrilla tactics and a mirthful sneer.
36. Scoop directed by Woody Allen
Erratic whodunit with Woody’s copyright stammering guided by casual performances who know they’re in for light fare and surrender to the routine. It’s not vintage Allen, but certainly enjoyable with frequent grins stretched from ear to ear.
35. Down in the Valley directed by David Jacobson (2005)
Conceptually brilliant drifter western that saddles up a lonesome Norton performance to gallop through its mysterious canyons. Although the ambition far outweighs the talent, the spirituality makes for a forceful usher through it’s more conventional lulls.
34. Tristan & Isolde directed by Kevin Reynolds
Dumbed down historical legend demystified and flooded with a teenage accessible angle but isn’t stifled by the gloss. By passing on the more lyrical moments, what’s exposed is a simply tragic love story speaking to all ages with the benefit of an old fashioned leading lady in peak beauty.
33. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan directed by Larry Charles
Risky idiocy that takes extreme gall and a wit that sears to cull out blind bigotry from the masses in order to achieve the feat of disguising cultural commentary inside a trifling walk on the stupid side.
32. Banlieue 13 directed by Pierre Morel (2004)
Breakneck and ridiculous actioner that’s paced to techno thumps like an elongated chase scene, brightened by spots of ultra-stylized violence and one-liner’s that goo with rocker fashionability. You’ll feel asthmatic by the credit roll.
31. Lucky Number Slevin directed by Paul McGuigan
Pulp machismo writ with a sly undercurrent that comes and goes in misdirected murmurs of piercing banter more fit to be Tarantino does Seinfeld. When the tone assumes its centerfold trashiness, that’s when the bullets ring and games begin.
30. Monster House directed by Gil Kenan
Acutely written without the pretense of aching to please the older crowd, its sleekly rendered motion-capture only adds more to the essence of its imaginative 80’s feel when its almost obsolete love for adventure takes the reigns.
29. The U.S. vs. John Lennon directed by David Leaf & John Scheinfeld
Infinite legend of the Beatle is recounted through his often adverse stances and proud political fist, and neither fixes him with wings or taints him with blood, but rather advances aloofly through the life of a passionate man who made the world mourn in his fall.
28. Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story directed by Michael Winterbottom
By taking on the convoluted plot that a movie-within-a-movie-within-a-movie about a novel whose words can’t be translated, one would expect a vain temperament of arthouse-decor but instead finds a nimble and self-mocking inside joke that relishes in its own ugliness.
27. Renaissance directed by Christian Volckman
Briskly wrought noir with flecks of sci-fi that take its newly formed genre to unspeakable heights of beauty within the glassy breezes of pen and ink animation. While it gets caught up in its own logic, thereby forcing the action into a chasm, it’s cracking with far too much ingenuity to dismiss.
26. Lady in the Water directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Shyamalan is only partially successful in concocting his own mythology due to the hurried pace it moves along to, but the fairy tale is spun wisely enough to tone down the aura if it becomes too intricate and always emanates with the glow of a bedtime story through its lush photography and weeping string orchestral.
25. Children of Men directed by Alfonso Cuarón
Cold sober dystopia where quiet screams hassle the air which seemingly wafts off the screen and places you into its scourged setting of rebel yell’s and disregarded corpses that roll like tumbleweeds in the gunfire. Granted it can’t depend on the solemnity of its script or any particular performance, it stands alone as a visual feat, instilling equal parts madness and fear.
24. Casino Royale directed by Martin Campbell
Bond returns to his ladykilling ways as Craig takes on the ruthlessness the character was always intended to carry, making Green’s leveled beauty of body and brains all the more inspiring when one-liners and Aston Martin’s are tossed to the wayside in favor of drawing out his inner torment, naked in light of total character reinvention.
23. Happy Feet directed by George Miller
Even a brave but clumsy third act can’t turn down the volume on it, which’ll have your toes tapping from under you from the lowest octave to the shrillest of falsetto’s, and those globe trotting views of chorus chained penguins braving the chilled winds in favor of song and dance are ones to behold.
22. Stranger Than Fiction directed by Marc Forster
Showcasing Ferrell’s deadpan dramatic talents, it light foots along on the buoyancy of its whimsicalness, combining the burlesque with philosophy that’s eager to please. Some will call it Kaufman-lite, but the approach is shy in its attempt and outstanding in its reward.
21. Miami Vice directed by Michael Mann
Mann puts aside the pastel pallet and opts for one swathed in downcast blues as his punch-drunk swagger riddles with a seductive finesse and the single ambition being to ooze attitude at every cocksure grimace and bang bang whisper of gunsmoke.
20. The Descent directed by Neil Marshall (2005)
Marshall molds his vision in the vein of a bonding flick and ever so slowly the in’s and outs’ of the caves begin to pulsate with life and squeeze every gasp from your lungs as the suggestive horror turns into an overflowing creature feature terrifyingly brought to life with banshee wails.
19. Tideland directed by Terry Gilliam
Python enthusiasts only need apply, as Gilliam allows stardust to fall from his pockets in his most intimate fable, colliding with semi-surrealism like the fevered dreams of Lewis Carroll. Visions of kissing corpses and underwater vessels made from spare bicycle parts are muzzled with a single kiss from the bewitching Jodelle Ferland.
18. A Scanner Darkly directed by Richard Linklater
Paranoia-infused nightmarish limbo of batty vagabonds and addicts that jerk this hardcore cartoon with a depressing realism every time it delves too deeply into pyschobabble. The most admirable feat, however, is the handling of the external forces you don’t recognize have persuaded you all along until the very end.
17. The Painted Veil directed by John Curran
Demands patience, but never forgets that a quiet period piece requires more than soft laughs along the river’s edge to draw you in, but does so without vicious dollops of romanticism. It’s all a familiar tune, but done with such longing and a sublime pair of leads you can’t help forgetting the mishaps and end up swallowed whole in the sensibility.
16. Running Scared directed by Wayne Kramer
Big Bad Wolf tale that surges with an unabashedly violent turbulence at a streamline temperature without ever showing signs of breathlessness. As it unfurls, the perverse behavior only heightens and ends with the notion that every villain gets his comeuppance - by gun, by hand, or by his own vanity.
15. Shortbus directed by John Cameron Mitchell
So forward that Caligula would have blushed. Unapologetic, most’ll be quick to label it a gay fantasia of glut homosexuals or a flashy skin flick, but it’s truly just a mosaic of the sexually frustrated attempting to find their ultimate worth in a cascade of soul and hole bearing performances.
14. La Science des rêves directed by Michel Gondry
Gondry outdoes himself with this nude playland resembling the oddball child that sits in the back of class crafting cranes from his essays and spiraling wondrous little designs along the edges of his notebooks. Much unlike its cellophane waves, it's full of on edge romantic quirkiness that's not even the most spirited and neurotic of playwrights could reach.
13. The Wind That Shakes the Barley directed by Ken Loach
Thinking man’s revolution. Methodic strides of heartache and patriotism are hurled into the wartime fervor as the cobbled streets mounted with rain in between the cracks are called home to the ragtag soldiers drearily marching through Ireland’s once emerald hills in search of justice - even if they have to steal it.
12. Rocky Balboa directed by Sylvester Stallone
Pugilist’s swan song recalls early Sly in top form, in a performance so streaked with pain that the ever wrinkle on his face tells a different, but always sad story. It recalls the original in more ways than one, warming your heart and ripping it too.
11. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest directed by Gore Verbinski
Eyes rimmed with mascara and fixed with saunter that’s more intoxicated than ever, Captain Jack courts with the beast in another effortlessly entertaining walk on the wild waves of the drunk ocean buccaneers. Easily the heartiest companion to buttersoaked kernels and an affection for light humour dressed up in period garb and a rogue’s gallery.
10. The Last King of Scotland directed by Kevin Macdonald
Electric revisionist history powered by the tandem of McAvoy and Whitaker, who play off each other with a terrifying realness and spare no comfort with their meticulous devotion to the human frailty and why it’s driven to commit the atrocious deeds it does.
9. Marie Antoinette directed by Sofia Coppola
Ever wondered what Terrence Malick would have said to Jane Austen if they wrote poetry on notes to each other during film class? Sofia understands that the experiences of an avant garde woman are best relayed in a contemporary mindset and just like her life, style always makes a prettier pet than substance. Have the cake, it’s delicious
8. The Proposition directed by John Hillcoat (2005)
Gritty, hangdog western whose marbled sunsets match the material’s substance only in the color of their bruising. A savage ballad of vengeance that is intent on pleasing the eye as much as it is coughing blood into it, it transcends even the spiritual freedom of its genre by promoting benevolence beneath the purpled bodies and in between its campfire lullabies.
7. The Illusionist directed by Neil Burger
Candlelit emotion haunts this gloomy choral of lost love, crowned in a finale more masterful, more deceitful than the cloaks of the magician himself. As the last orange blossoms on the lips of a branch, we can only be left with the beautiful assumption that magic does exist.
6. Blood Diamond directed by Edward Zwick
Without slapping American wrists, it constantly beats its chest in favor of cause, but does so within the whir of the ever constant bustle as it thumps wildly alive with characters more internally forlorn than the world they’re so disgusted with. DiCaprio and Hounsou make for a volcanic brace of a statement.
5. The Departed directed by Martin Scorsese
Celtic punk bursts through the airwaves like that flood of discomposure before the fall in a society where the mobsters are ailing rock stars and cops are too busy for those they swore to protect. DiCaprio and Damon bottle so much intensity within their few on-screen moments, it’s hard not to recall coffee talk between legends as they let fly their venom in volumes of Shakespearean wrath.
4. El Laberinto del Fauno directed by Guillermo del Toro
Otherworldly concepts, where one can conjure monsters more savage in their dreams than those in the real world to escape grounded misery, peruse the imagination with a cutthroat vigor that makes itself all the more jarring within the streams of pretty promises pouring through the voice of a gnarled faun. A tenderfooted romp through a midnight forest where only evil resides though the moon sits atop the skies.
3. Perfume: The Story of a Murderer directed by Tom Tykwer
Images of tinder drizzling on the tails of fireworks and stale wine dripping from pouty, red lips are only some of the lustful aromas to be had and made so real that it’s as though they’re splayed across the senses more delicately than seeds on a strawberry. Romantic menace redolent with things most foul.
2. Apocalypto directed by Mel Gibson
Jungle poetry inspired by the most carnal of desires. Single-minded stomach to brain outpour of an adrenaline dipped fever as we are privy only to the virgin world of the warrior baking in the sun, where large cats prowl without warning, beating drums echo off into nirvana, and the still beating souls are torn from breasts in effort to please the Gods.
1. The Fountain directed by Darren Aronofsky
Chants of violinist solos amongst clustering, dying stars spilling out into the atmosphere, onto the snow, and through the leaves of the rain forest are so gorgeous that even the moments in between them become mournful. Time becomes more barbaric by second, death is our disease, and every time the hand ticks forward it slowly bleeds out our veins. But love? Not time in all its infinite drift can conquer the human heart. Heaven made.
And that's the double truth, Ruth.
