2006: Boffo to Bombast, Part One.

As the new millennium of cinema kicked up its heels and rushed forward with its shameless blaze of box office grabbing antics and Gen-X authors, along came the endless criticism as every successive year became a victim of great expectations.

Boys and girls, from our beloved little medium - despite the bottomless well of remakes, sequels, remakes of sequels and sequels of remakes - some good has unearthed and crawled through those uncreative stretches and provided some otherworldly entertainment and artistic majesty. It's a year that delivered romances made all the more delectable because of murder, chase films done in the stark nude, fairy tales spun from blood splatter , and a hint that after all, maybe magic really does exist. Hell, even some of the sequels and remakes bettered their predecessors by a comfortable margin.

So in a small toast to 2006, an infuriating blend of pristine creativity and rehashed goods, here’s to the boffo and to the bombast and a miss & hit parade of the first half of 150 films that had me sometimes comfortably, sometimes awkwardly settled in a seat waiting for the titles to begin and take me home.


150. Old Joy directed by Kelly Reichardt
A needlessly and softly layered esoteric road trip with performances more depthless than the sidewalk puddles it’s so fond of capturing and more lazily strung together than its minimalist guitar twang score. Liberal arts majors unite.

149. Ultraviolet directed by Kurt Wimmer
Like a strobe-light induced seizure. Wimmer takes his patented kinetic style of combat and turns it into flashy arm wrestling. Perhaps it’d have been better to swallow my tongue instead of allowing this to swallow my cash.

148. The Wicker Man directed by Neil LaBute
Holds the same lasting effect of its father for the exact opposite reasoning. In place of being a creepy, mellow thriller that steadily inches towards the finale, it makes for something that can only be described as modern Ed Wood.

147. Manderlay directed by Lars von Trier (2005)
Agenda-grabbing eyesore that soaks in the outsider view of the carnal American with a shady past but has only a passing familiarity with our culture and history. Nothing more than faux-rabble rousing that ruins a fine David Bowie song.

146. 3 Needles directed by Thom Fiztgerald (2005)
A condescending foray into the modern political ensemble drama category, complete with left field sympathetic indulgence and forced outpours of unconventional love in an AIDS-afflicted, airbrushed world.

145. Snow Cake directed by Marc Evans
Snowy, sleepy, dismissed Egoyan material that lacks a genuine understanding of its own obstacles, necessary in order for the events to ring with any poignance. Rickman and Weaver are fascinatingly boring.

144. Harsh Times directed by David Ayer (2005)
Awful script and camera-phone clarity of photography make this whole thug-lite tale nothing more pale-boy-turned-hood dream a mess. Even the ever dependable Bale stumbles over the absurdity of the dialogue.

143. Freedomland directed by Joe Roth
Julianne Moore losing her child not only signals the inevitable sight of ugly lip quivering and wide eyed hysterics, but a distinct absence of quality. This red herring polluted see-it-from-a-mile-away thriller isn’t any different.

142. Firewall directed by Richard Loncraine
Formulaic as only the humdrum early months of the new cinema year could deliver. It’s laughable climax proves it’d have been better suited as the concluding installment of Leslie Nielsen’s “Naked Gun” franchise.

141. Snakes on a Plane directed by David R. Ellis
Empty-skulled genre effort that aches to be high camp and ends up trampling over its own punch lines till it loses all venom and needs to soar on foul comedy and lame out-of-air scenes bulked with bad sarcasm for the remainder of the running time.

140. Date Movie directed by Aaron Seltzer
Excruciating send-up of already bad rom-com’s that proves more nauseating than its bottomless depiction's of cellulite and fecal matter. If the hijinks don’t make for an off-putting time, the constant spray of bodily fluids will.

139. Colour Me Kubrick directed by Brian W. Cook (2005)
Master class example of how to let fascinating subject matter dwindle in interest by every creeping minute until the point of napping. By letting Malkovich chew the scenery, they’ve by turns made a garish and sluggish mystery.

138. Big Momma’s House 2 directed by John Whitesell
Apparently nobody got the memo that fat suits lost their comedic ingenuity after Eddie Murphy rode it to the bone. Not a single chuckle to be found around or under a prosthetic roll or in between the belly crevices.

137. Scary Movie 4 directed by David Zucker
Spoofing so uninspired, so weathered that its resorted to not only falling back on old gimmicks, but parodying pop culture mishaps that were funnier in the real world than they were amped up on celluloid.

136. A Prairie Home Companion directed by Robert Altman
Static when it should be meditative and oafish when it should be elegant. Even working with Keillor himself, Altman recalls the most unpleasant memories of his insanely inconsistent oeuvre by slowly revealing he's detached.

135. The Lost City directed by Andy Garcia (2005)
Long, dull exercise in nationalism abounding with Cubans that carry North East accents and a plot that assumes the impossible task of showing the heartaches of the revolution from the dollar green eyes of the wealthy.

134. Sherrybaby directed by Laurie Collyer
Typically downer indie creature with characters that have high ambitions and lack the moral courage to achieve them. Maggie’s performance is not only runner-up to her other work this year, but it lathers in faux-empathy.

133. Pierrepoint directed by Adrian Shergold (2005)
Monotonous character piece that unpacks heavy material with featherweight precision and a handful of performances so forced in their should-be method delivery they become worthy of the noose. Interesting material gone awry.

132. Silent Hill directed by Cristophe Gans
Although not bad enough to make Uwe Boll’s video game antics seem tolerable, it makes for an all around confusing venture that takes itself too seriously without having the courtesy to be as logical as it is visually chilling.

131. Running with Scissors directed by Ryan Murphy
Cinematic Springfield that reduces its potentially moving plot into a factory freak show that does little more than pry in on its characters ambitions and break them down. Nasty in the most unpleasant of ways.

130. Revolver directed by Guy Ritchie (2005)
General storyline made unique by its twisty plotting that results in extraneous and over stylized material conceived of with an astonishing lack of energy and empty artistic mindset. Even Liotta should be ashamed.

129. The Omen directed by John Moore
Remaking at its worst - that which bothers to resurrect the material with the slightest of change but can’t be budged towards creative toil in order to keep those initial experiences intact. A careless whack at classic horror.

128. Bobby directed by Emilio Estevez
Bottomless insecurity leading to liberalized crowing in the form of anecdote-spewing A-Lister’s that can only glorify the woulda been world of Bobby Kennedy. An ambitious but clumsy directorial debut.

127. Wah-Wah directed by Richard E. Grant (2005)
Filming endless processions of break up after break up proves as crippling on the screen as it is in real life. When the drama needs to be heightened, Grant resorts to nothing more than crumbled relationships involving frigid people.

126. Grandma’s Boy directed by Nicholaus Goossen
Entry into the the middle aged slacker stuck in a perpetual state of arrested development genre. Penis and flatulence jokes make their worn but never weary presence, just this time with no laughs involved.

125. The Good German directed by Steven Soderbergh
Unnaturally beautiful composition and jazzy piano balladry hanging in the air is disrupted by its otherwise extraneous plotting. While Blanchett’s golden age demureness is a sight, Maguire’s work ranks as some of the worst ever.

124. Poseidon directed by Wolfgang Petersen
Clammed down with modest effects, a wasted cast, and a budget that’d sink a barge with its waves of drama plagued by a distinct sedateness and evoking of a simple, “Let ‘em drown” reaction to its helpless pleas.

123. Water directed by Deepa Metha (2005)
Elegantly pictured memoir of time and place, but an emotionally bland and unconvincing cultural tale on the effects of gender roles in an intimate society. It plays out like a pretty travelogue for a carefree environment.

122. Chinjeolhan geumjassi directed by Chan-wook Park (2005)
Disjointed revenge tale propelled by an extraordinarily tempered leading lady in effect bogged by unavailing weirdness and a final act that has to rely on the fiery effect of voyeuristic fantasy because it can’t channel genuine sympathy.

121. Final Destination 3 directed by James Wong
The scares have become cheaper and the thrills more dull as both death and death’s game become (not so) mysteriously tiresome in a worked over exercise in the same format as its priors. Murder isn’t fun when unimaginative.

120. Little Fish directed by Rowan Woods (2005)
Meticulous, threadbare decision making haunt this otherwise solidly acted drama with a lack of ambition and unneeded annotating on all events foregone and anticipated. Bleak rendition of a bleaker story.

119. Hostel directed by Eli Roth (2005)
Hand stirred slop for the bloodlusters that’s reminiscent of “Eurotrip” after an encounter with Lecter. A gratuitous display of boringly perfect breasts and conventionally grisly brutality make it obvious as yearn-to-shock spirit with no-quality-to-find film.

118. The Benchwarmers directed by Dennis Dugan
Involving the miraculous presences of Deuce Bigelow, Joe Dirt, and Napoleon Dynamite clashing together, one can only imagine it’d elicit the number of laughs its fore father comedies received (zero). The worthless and not so grown up Bad News Bears.

117. Clean directed by Olivier Assayas (2004)
Lousy ethics-driven exercise whose constancy depends upon Maggie Cheung who, though reaching to the very tip of her nerve endings to find a magnificently textured performance, is a disconnected self-loather.

116. Death of a President directed by Gabriel Range
Even the heaviest of detractors and most thoughtful of wishful thinkers would find this interesting, even speculative premise grotesque by way of its shoddy execution. Sometimes lefty voodoo, often times asinine.

115. The Devil Wears Prada directed by David Frankel
An estrogen soaked “Wall Street” leaning on a second-rate Cruella de Vil impersonation, but Emily Blunt’s droll humour makes this ugly duckling, complete with vanilla performances, worth the stroll down the runway.

114. The Road to Guantanamo directed by Michael Winterbottom
Promising screamer faux-doc that, instead of drawing out a personal reflection on a prevalent sociopolitical situation, aches for our sympathy by feeling like a long Amnesty International plug with no viewer obligations.

113. You, Me and Dupree directed by Anthony & Joe Russo
Confusing and conflicting blend of buddy comedy and soul searching romantic drama that can’t quite find its flimsy footing in either. When the jokes crumble, the love is prone to be equally infuriating by strong breezes of warmed over on bended knee odes.

112. The Night Listener directed by Patrick Stettner
Sloppy adjustment of a chilling tale whose plot reaches its boiling point far past the point of audience involvement or genuine concern. Williams banks in on his dramatic endowments with a flair for moody dialogue, but nobody else bothers to show up to work.

111. Hoodwinked! directed by Cory & Todd Edwards (2005)
”Rashômon” styled fairy tale that disrupts its vision with toss away pop-culture stabs, abominable graphic design obviously construed under stressful nights during long geometry classes, and uninspired voice casting that seems anything but tailored.

110. The Holiday directed by Nancy Meyers
Bubbly but heartless rendition of a shtick with a script that’s more concerned with being cute than it is sharp on the edge of the break up. Even with talent of this calibre, stock choice of actors represent nothing more than silhouettes of romantically troubled people.

109. Driving Lessons directed by Jeremy Brock
Speeds off to nowhere in a hurry and can’t seem to finds it way back home on a regular pace due to its rather forgettable turn in’s from a select group of individuals. Predictability is forgivable if there’s heart to find, but alas, we remain aloof of every speed bump.

108. Block Party directed by Michel Gondry
Chapelle’s act grows into ranting, oblique raves about the street scene and keeps a wide eye and grin at every mention of the musical acts, but the segments in between the (electric) concert footage provide for uncomplicated, disinteresting slot fillers.

107. Candy directed by Neil Armfield
Not as sweet as its namesake would suggest and despite a brace of emotionally draining performances, it fails to make its mark as a modern day “Panic in Needle Park” and lapses back into being a tiresome, finger wagging drug tale.

106. Wondrous Oblivion directed by Paul Morrison (2003)
Well-intentioned but cheered up and played down examination of racial tensions by way of charming us with unlikely friendships. Emily Woof and Delroy Lindo are cast perfectly opposite each other, but Morrison can quite channel it.

105. Akeelah and the Bee directed by Doug Atchison
Formulaic long shot dreaming bounding with its fair share of montages and inspirational speeches that stay true to the triteness. Nothing spells “fraud” like an underdog story that should dare to dream for the bittersweet instead of ringing false.

104. Idiocracy directed by Mike Judge
Ruined by too many smug pats on the back for its social consciousness and failed provocation. While it provides some light amusement, the final result is that of a longwinded doltopian concept better suited for a five minute monologue.

103. Das Leben der Anderen directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Monotone acting that does little more than furrow brows and stay hurried on stretched schedules bloat this austere German Housewife weekly subscription. It reels in supreme technical efforts through the setting up, but gets buried in artifice.

102. All the King’s Men directed by Steven Zaillian
Remaining more faithful than the original adaptation, it renders the God-delivered ensemble and classic material even more frustrating due to its deadlocked tone. Penn goes for broke in a blustering parade, but everyone else gets a head bob.

101. Indigènes directed by Rachid Bouchareb
Stylistically Kaminski-lite bomb that drowns in self-perceived religious curiosity/perplexity because of constant shots devoted to the weeping Madonna and wounded Jesus. Lifeless performances cut loose in this derivative piece of battlefield honor.

100. The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things directed by Asia Argento (2004)
Though admirably spun as a ferocious, depressing parable, Argento can’t quite muster the nerve to match the emotion with the truly disgusting heights of its themes and as a result rings false on every level despite her strong work.

99. An Inconvenient Truth directed by Davis Guggenheim
Interesting scientific deliberation and what would have been a bell ringing call to the world turns to a sermonizing, fear-mongering lecture made all the more lousy by a lifeless Al Gore and obvious political play.

98. The Break-Up directed by Peyton Reed
Fresh spin on the rom-com whose sneering attitude takes a turn for the worse when the central lovers, played to type by Aniston and Vaughn, turn so relentless that it upsets the viewer relationship by being halfhearted.

97. Accepted directed by Steve Pink
Light and occasionally funny campus comedy failed by a usually fun Justin Long wading through his lines sans charisma, but even the bevy of freaks and geeks surrounding him can’t make it past the save-the-day routine.

96. The Sisters directed by Arthur Allan Seidelman
Contemporary Chekhov too literate for its own good. Brutal strip downs of family history and hurling insults make an appearance but, even with a richly hostile Bello, it never succeeds in becoming more than pyschobabble melodrama.

95. Flags of Our Fathers directed by Clint Eastwood
Bleeding heart call to our heroes with fancy footwork by way of its panic soaked invasion sequence, but milquetoast performances run their course and fumble the tenderness with a distilled pride.

94. Dreamgirls directed by Bill Condon
All sequin and no soul. Where Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Hudson constantly wake the show from its slumber with electric vocals, it falls back into a nap when the diva antics become choppier than the technicals.

93. Babel directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu
Global tragedy for dummies with a rehashed appearance from Santaolalla’s multicultural three chord jamabalya and uninspired performers stuck in impossible situations. At least “Crash” had the decency to keep from blushing.

92. The Black Dahlia directed by Brian De Palma
Sumptuous modern noir featuring a small acting masterpiece from Mia Kirshner, but the rest flakes beneath its tight staircase swooping and junior gumshoe attitude that uses its golden mystery case as only a slight detail.

91. El Aura directed by Fabián Bielinsky
Deliberate (tedious) pacing blemish the story by turning Darín’s performance into slight affectations as the central dankness slowly turns muddy through its mumbling script and fruitless final moments.

90. X-Men: The Last Stand directed by Brett Ratner
Incredible, sky reaching special effects are the only distinguishing factor in this anesthetic entry to an exclusive trilogy that had previously opted for the route of wringing out superhuman fears rather than creating them. Ratner is a mess.

89. Venus directed by Roger Michell
Pedigree actors, the wonderfully doting crag of a man in O’Toole, zesty writing and a cushy May-December reciprocated with every ounce of vigor by Jodie Whittaker dribbles rather than floods due to Michell’s clumsy directing fit for a Masterpiece Theatre excursion.

88. The Good Shepherd directed by Robert De Niro
How does a money burning cast and high profile true story like this fail? Try an uneven juggling of seminal events for one. Drab strides for another. Humourless performances fill this icy character piece with only bit cameos and dark scenery to chew on.

87. Crank directed by Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor
“Speed” for the MTv generation, complete with fast cut editing hysterics and blaring music. Despite the headache-inducing beat, Statham brings on a grim mug to counter the delightful Amy Smart’s perk in a lightning bolt odd couple.

86. On a Clear Day directed by Gaby Dellal (2005)
Following every genre contrivance available, it makes for an often agreeable and always mushy “Little Engine”. Usually chancy Peter Mullan pitches his working class hero shtick to the limit, but it becomes exhausting all the same.

85. Mission: Impossible III directed by J.J. Abrams
Better off leaving your brain at the door as the last installment swerves out of the route of its clever espionage touch and opts for long bouts of action that seldom develop any sparks. Great cast, great waste.

84. Ice Age: The Meltdown directed by Carlos Saldanha
Voices return but the charm doesn’t. While the original was heartwarming and turned to character habits and adult-aimed references for comedy, we fall back here on lame slapstick and an uneventful adventures.

83. The History Boys directed by Nicholas Hytner
Though previously bringing stage adaptations to life without a hint of stuffiness, Hytner can’t manage to get past the verbal sparring of Bennett’s words even with a magnificent leading anchor in tow.

82. Efter brylluppet directed by Susanne Bier
Deviated by a first half that makes proper use of its cynical outlook and a follow-up that turns into messy family secrets. Mads Mikkelsen’s work keeps in course with the overall gloomy outlook, but it crumbles beneath much ado.

81. Click directed by Frank Coraci
Sporadically sweet and irritating by way of Sandler’s 40-year old manchild gimmick that doesn’t ever seem to grow up, even when the character himself goes through dramatic transition.

80. 16 Blocks directed by Richard Donner
Routine action, limp chase plot and everyday baddies make a scheduled appearance, but in between the droughts of bland action, Donner devotes time to frame an appealing relationship between the leads.

79. Catch a Fire directed by Phillip Noyce
Optimistic, but repetitive, message protest guided by Derek Luke, who rips into his role with equal part aggression and warmth but Robbins’ hard nose never breaks his cartoonish lull.

78. Brick directed by Rian Johnson (2005)
High school underworld made every bit as lively and menacing as that of the old school gangster’s. While teenage woe is created without condescension, the actors (Levitt and de Ravin aside) can’t grasp the beat of the language.

77. Volver directed by Pedro Almodóvar
Even a delightful Cruz, writhing in a furious modesty, doesn’t stop this forgiveness piece from suffering at the hands of lady-inspired Pedro's poet-cum-eccentric gaudiness.

76. Inside Man directed by Spike Lee
Exaggerated caper with an A-List class left to plumb. Too self-aware to be sharp yet too perky to be cool. While Lee looks like he’s having fun for the first time in his life, his tricks are only intermittent jolts.


Now that we've braved the tides of washed over gimmicks, theatrical lapses, all-too-familiar renovations and the plainly dreadful, we can sit in tongue-wagging anticipation of the goodness that lay ahead.